Moonlight Moods

I really ought to be going to bed - but I seriously don't want to... I feel like staying up all night. I have that feeling I sometimes get, which is brought on by the darkness and some very ambient music (I'm listening to the Radio Sunnydale soundtrack). I could just stay up all night. Perhaps sit on my bed underneath the sloping window and looking up at the stars while feeling the cool breath of the wind. Perhaps even write some heartfelt poetry. I almost feel like writing poetry. Usually this mood tends to get me into all kinds of trouble. Gets one's mind working in ways that should be forbidden. It's not always a good thing to reflect upon your life.
I remember all to well another time about 4 years back when I was in this mood and I wrote my (to myself) infamous letter to a guy I was madly in love with at the time. Actually I wrote it to myself, not really intending for him to ever read it. So I poured my soul out. Then in a moment (well, a moment lasting over a week) I got the insane idea that courage is to be afraid and to conquer the fear. The ultimate test to prove my courage would be to deliver the letter and have him read it. I would be exposing myself, and because being vunerable is one of the things I'm most afraid of, it would show the world (aka me because no one else knew the full scope of the letter or the plan) how brave I really am. It would strenghten my character and make me a better person. So I actually gave him the letter. Walked over to his room and knocked on the door. He wasn't there so I slid it under the door. There, done. I felt really brave for a few days before I began to feel very embarrased and that feeling grew until the point where I much rather wanted to be on the other side of the planet. It didn't really help, I didn't feel very brave - not even when my crush told me that he liked the letter and when the story ultimately ended with us going out again. The victory didn't feel victorious. And it wasn't but that's another story; a story about natural expiration dates of relationships but that's personal so you won't get to read that one :o)
Well, you would think all this time of being embarrased has taught me my lessen. Unfortunately I can tell you that it hasn't. I still do stupid things like that on a regular basis to prove I'm the queen of the world. Nothing as of yet has beaten the letter-experience though.
And that's that mood I'm in right now, so I'm watching out for every feeling that could lead me to do something extremely stupid. I do have one stupid thing in mind that I could go do, but I'll let that rest for now. It's not the time for that anyway. And no, I won't explain this last cryptic bit either - it's also personal :o)